Friday, June 15, 2012

Thank God for My Poopy Day!

       Replacing our negative thoughts can sometimes be challenging to our low self worth issues.  No matter how hard we try to reason differently, sometimes we seem to react or respond with the same negative behaviors because of hurt or pain.  Why? 

     I will never forget the feeling of abandonment when I was about 4 or 5 years old.  My mother and father got into an argument and my mother left the house and walked in the back yard near a red clay field getting further from us and the house.  My dad sat my two older sisters and I on the back porch and told us , “Stay right here.”  We were all crying and upset because we were convinced she was leaving us!As I got older, I didn’t realize how much this situation played a part in my low self worth issues.  Why is it that I could reason as an adult that everything was ok, she didn’t leave, and that she was just letting off steam but yet it still contributed to my self worth issues?  I had realized how those feelings affected my marriage and other relationships in a negative way.  If my husband and I would have an argument, my first fear was that he was going to leave me and the marriage was going to be over.  Why did my mind interpret such an extreme result from a disagreement?  We were never malicious with one another and in fact, we always argued fairly with the goal to have more understanding for the other person’s perception and to resolve the issue as quickly as possible.  So why in the world would I always equate arguments with abandonment? 

I asked my counselor,  “Why am I doing this?  I can reason in my mind the truth of the matter.  Mom was just venting and cooling down.”

She responded, “Did she come back?”


“Did your dad or your mom hug you and tell you that everything was going to be ok?”

“No, dad just told us to come inside that everything is ok and to go to bed.”

“They didn’t hold you and say that?” 


   She explained to me that our hearts hold on to the first belief and files it away as the truth.  The heart and mind are separate.  The heart deals with the emotions and our mind reasons and thinks. We can reason all day long but until we replace the file in the heart, it will not be resolved. It takes a hug to sync the brain and the heart so that the old file can be replaced with the truth.  How many times as kids or adults did you misunderstand something and it hurt your feelings but when you received a hug and word of comfort, it changed everything?  How about when a child is scared of the Boogie Man that’s hiding in the closet?  What is the first instinct as the parent?  Open the door and show them that there is no Boogie Man and hold the child and tell them, “See?  Everything is going to be ok.  No Boogies.  I’m right here and nothing bad is going to happen to you.  Ok?”  In that moment, we erase the belief and replace it with the truth.  What would happen if you just said, “There is no Boogie Man, go to sleep!”  Would that help the situation or upset the child more?  It would definitely escalate in to a rough night for the both of you because you have not taken away that child’s fear.  Until you prove to them that there really is no Boogie Man hiding in the closet, they are still going to be affected by their belief.

   Mom didn’t leave, she loved us, and she was not ever leaving us.  But my heart held on to that belief, I’m not lovable enough or worth loving. I never received help to change my belief.  In fact, our dad told us it was ok and to go on to bed.  This was equivalent to believing that the Boogie Man was still in my closet! 

    I was encouraged by my counselor to speak to my mom about it or to picture the event in my mind with it ending with a comforting hug from mom and hearing her say, “Everything is ok.  Mommy is not going anywhere.  It’s ok.”  That seemed to help a little.  But I was still having issues of abandonment.

    God had a plan in motion.   A week or so later, I made a trip to S.C.  to visit my parents with my two little dogs and our infant grand-daughter whom we had just been awarded full custody.  She was only a couple of months old and I was losing lots of sleep.  My parents had a brand new laminate wood floor installed.  One of the dog’s tummy was messed up and would make it to the puppy pad but miss.   The baby was having a poopy kind of day too!  Oh goodness, my day was full of stress over poop!  At my breaking point, the baby had it coming out of her diaper and getting on to everything then the instant I cleaned her up, the dog made another mess!  My mom looked at me and KNEW I was going to cry.  She compassionately came over to me and held me and said, “It’s going to be ok.  It’s alright.  Don’t worry about this, ok?  It’s going to be ok.  I love you.”  She had no idea that I had been dealing with the abandonment issues, yet her warm hug and comforting words were timely. God used that poopy day to replace the abandonment file I had stored in my heart for so many years.  In that very moment, my heart and mind connected through the hug because I was remembering the little girl on the porch that needed the reassurance that everything was ok.

  I thank God for my stressful, poopy day. You never know what He will use to get your attention or help you heal.  So look for opportunities to make a change.

 "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you.”   Jerimiah 31:3  NKJV